Saturday, September 5, 2009

Going to be a bad day....

Ok, well, some of you know that I am bi-polar and that I have my ups and downs like most people but mine are ups and downs on steroids or crack or something. The cool part about that is no matter whether I am up or down, I thrive on my business side. It's a place to focus and over-achieve I suppose, but really, the more stressed I am, the better I am. My personal ups and downs aren't nice at all though and they can be extreme. You also know that there have been some happenings in my life over the last 3 years that do not help matters any, some being too recent to just forgive although I am trying. Recently, I'm fighting a lot to keep my down times to a minimum. It's not easy based on what I am dealing with in my personal life and none of it is in my control which is never a good thing as far as me personally goes. Control is what has kept me off medication. It is a MUST and when other people mess with that because they "can't help it", I "can't help" but wonder why I subject myself to it and all the other things that I have put up with over the years. No normal person would. Hey, I have an excuse. I'm already messed up and, even before I was diagnosed, people thought I was not quite normal. How many 5 years olds do you know who can quote Shakespeare? Hmmmm... I just need to deal with everything so here I am mouthing off in my blog. It's my blog, so I can say what I want, right? I will get over the fact that other people's actions are very hurtful and sometimes it's really hard to get passed that hurt. I really REALLY am trying but with almost painful results. It will get better. It always does.

Anyway, today is going to be a bad day. I already slept(if you can call it that)half the day away. I've got my music on helping me deal with it. To me, some songs express my feelings for me when I can't. They help me work through things. I listen to them in my headphones so as to keep it to myself most of the time as it really doesn't help anyone but me.

So, on my playlist today:
Always ~ Bon Jovi
Tell Her ~ Lonestar
When She Cries ~ Restless Heart
Can I Trust You With My Heart ~ Travis Tritt
Anymore ~ Travis Tritt
Best of Intentions ~ Travis Tritt
Live Like You Were Dying ~ Tim McGraw
A Perfectly Good Heart ~ Taylor Swift
I Knew I Loved You ~ Savage Garden
Good As I Was To You ~ Lorrie Morgan
I'm the fool in love with a fool ~ LeeAnn Womack
Maybe he'll notice her now ~ Lonestar and Trisha Yearwood
She Wouldn't Be Gone ~ Blake Shelton
To Make You Feel My Love ~ Garth Brooks

Well, that is a partial list. Like I said, bad day. Travis Tritt is my friend. lol. You'd think those who cause the hurt over and over again which lead to the bad days would be more apt to comfort and do everything it takes to prevent it to begin with but I will handle it on my own like I always do. Things have changed though. The nightmares are back and I can't silence them. Sleep is unrestful and it's all getting the best of me. We will see what the days have in store I suppose.

Back to work....I have a million and one things to do for my clients this week still. I just needed to rant a bit and have a conversation with, well, me I suppose. Luckily I have work to keep my mind and heart from racing.

Remember, no matter what, Live, Laugh, and LOVE!

No comments:

Post a Comment